I'm cross-posting this on my other blog because I've been absent from
both for weeks. You've probably been wondering where I am and the
honest answer is that I haven't really been anywhere. I've just been
avoiding blogging. I would say to myself, "I've read four books; I
should review them." Or, "This really great/weird/awful thing happened; I
should be blogging about this." Sometimes I would get as far as
actually sitting down at the computer but sometimes I wouldn't even do
that. I had lost all interest in doing anything productive and didn't
really care about blogging anymore. I was struggling to drag myself out
of bed. I was hiding the fact that all I wanted to do was cry from Don
and from myself. Finally, last week, I broke down. I admitted that I
needed help.
I admitted that I was depressed.
Don,
who I can now announce is my fiancé and not simply my boyfriend
anymore, has been wonderful. He metaphorically kicked my ass until I
agreed to see a therapist and even went with me the first day so that I
didn't have to wait alone. Everyday he tries to help me see past the
sadness, to try and overcome it. He tries so hard to inspire me to break
out of this and I love him for it. It is for him that I am posting this
today.
I am coming back to blogging. Even if I have to
physically force myself to sit down and type I am going to start
blogging again. Doing it means so much to me and my recent aversion to
it is nothing more than a sad, pathetic attempt to shut out the world
and to avoid doing anything meaningful. That might sound a little harsh,
but it's true. My depression has been robbing me of my concentration,
making it hard to focus, causing me to give up because "it's just too
hard." Allowing myself to be complacent, being an enabler to my own
feelings of failure, is letting the depression win.
I
am a strong person who has been through a lot. I am going to get over
this and I am not going to let it take something as wonderful as
blogging away from me. If you see that I've stopped blogging for a few
days, call me out on it. Send me e-mails (gabrielreads@gmail.com) or
leave comments for me to see. It's going to be a hard fight for me. This
is something I've struggled with for a while and that I thought I had
under control but it's become apparent that that isn't the case. I'm
doing all I can to take care of myself and to get better but a kick in
the butt from my loyal readers would do a world of good. :)
I
am committing to myself and to you all. I will be here blogging and
reading and ranting and posting. The depression isn't going to win. Not
by a long shot.
-Gabe
And for anyone who's curious, here's the ring:
Don
and I got engaged in October but had been keeping it quiet from his
friends and family until I could meet his mother on Thanksgiving. I
would have posted about it sooner but, well, you know. *sheepish grin*
In other news, looking at this picture, I have just realized that my fingers are even stubbier than I thought they were.
