I'm cross-posting this on my other blog because I've been absent from both for weeks. You've probably been wondering where I am and the honest answer is that I haven't really been anywhere. I've just been avoiding blogging. I would say to myself, "I've read four books; I should review them." Or, "This really great/weird/awful thing happened; I should be blogging about this." Sometimes I would get as far as actually sitting down at the computer but sometimes I wouldn't even do that. I had lost all interest in doing anything productive and didn't really care about blogging anymore. I was struggling to drag myself out of bed. I was hiding the fact that all I wanted to do was cry from Don and from myself. Finally, last week, I broke down. I admitted that I needed help.
I admitted that I was depressed.
Don, who I can now announce is my fiancé and not simply my boyfriend anymore, has been wonderful. He metaphorically kicked my ass until I agreed to see a therapist and even went with me the first day so that I didn't have to wait alone. Everyday he tries to help me see past the sadness, to try and overcome it. He tries so hard to inspire me to break out of this and I love him for it. It is for him that I am posting this today.
I am coming back to blogging. Even if I have to physically force myself to sit down and type I am going to start blogging again. Doing it means so much to me and my recent aversion to it is nothing more than a sad, pathetic attempt to shut out the world and to avoid doing anything meaningful. That might sound a little harsh, but it's true. My depression has been robbing me of my concentration, making it hard to focus, causing me to give up because "it's just too hard." Allowing myself to be complacent, being an enabler to my own feelings of failure, is letting the depression win.
I am a strong person who has been through a lot. I am going to get over this and I am not going to let it take something as wonderful as blogging away from me. If you see that I've stopped blogging for a few days, call me out on it. Send me e-mails (email@example.com) or leave comments for me to see. It's going to be a hard fight for me. This is something I've struggled with for a while and that I thought I had under control but it's become apparent that that isn't the case. I'm doing all I can to take care of myself and to get better but a kick in the butt from my loyal readers would do a world of good. :)
I am committing to myself and to you all. I will be here blogging and reading and ranting and posting. The depression isn't going to win. Not by a long shot.
And for anyone who's curious, here's the ring:
Don and I got engaged in October but had been keeping it quiet from his friends and family until I could meet his mother on Thanksgiving. I would have posted about it sooner but, well, you know. *sheepish grin*
In other news, looking at this picture, I have just realized that my fingers are even stubbier than I thought they were.